I really get tired of the question, “Do you have a boyfriend?”. Truth is, it is a sore subject, so why do people feel the need to constantly bring it up. If I had the time I would, but honestly I’m too busy being a working mom. My life literally consists of working two jobs and being a mom.
Some may think that I would have time when my son visits his dad every other weekend. Well, here’s the thing about that…there are no “weekends free”. His father normally never tells me what time he wants our son until the day of and is extremely inconsistent with the times of wanting him. So, maybe I’ll have time at 12:00 or maybe at 4:00. Then when he gets him, he might keep him for 4 hours or maybe 2. It’s very frustrating.
My friends tell me to try online dating and apps. Well I hate them, they don’t work for me, because it’s too awkward and seriously when would we ever be able to meet. “Sorry Joe, I need to change the date to 4:30, instead of 11am, because my son’s father changed the time again”. What guy wants to constantly deal with that?
When I do meet guys, their most famous line, which I honestly just loath is, “Just get a sitter”. No, I’m not going to get a sitter, because if I get a sitter and go out on a date, then that will always be our solution to building a relationship. Then I’ll be putting my son’s life on hold for someone who I don’t know what their intentions are or if they are actually emotionally ready for a relationship. I don’t have time to waste.
No, it’s not fair, but the way I look at it, I had my chance. I had my time to find someone and I chose the wrong men. I made my decisions, I lost my chances and now my focus is on my son. It is about him and raising him, trying to help him make better choices than me. It is upsetting because I have so much love to give. I know I would make a really great partner and wife, but for now I make an even better mother.
So, yes I have totally put my life on hold to care for my son’s little world instead. I am honestly content with it being that way. Do I ever fall into wanting someone, getting lonely? Yes. I know that I should never feel lonely when I consume so much of my time for my child, but having a partner is a different type of lonely and love. My child will always be my priority and first true love, but sometimes I wish I had someone around to share the moments with and to love my son just as much as I do. Sometimes I wish I had someone to fall on, when I’m falling apart and have them bring me back up. Sometimes, I wish for that partner that I can be silly around and never feel judged. Sometimes I wish I had that someone learn my past and never make me feel uncomfortable for sharing it. Sometimes I wish I had someone to be a role model for my son and show what true respect for women looks like by the love that they have for his mother. Sometimes I wish, but sometimes I need to let go.
Maybe in time, I’ll come across someone who is willing to shuffle between my schedule and gradually build something together. However, I kind of doubt it. Everything in our society is quick and rushed, even dating. Everyone wants it to be easy and to start rushing things through. That’s what happened with all of my other past relationships, everything was rushed into the idea of marriage and living together, but missing the key ingredients – truly learning each other in time. Time is a big factor for relationships, yet something that I don’t have much of. So, dating? It’s for the birds. I don’t really have time.
Ain’t nobody got time for that
- Kimberly “Sweet Brown” Wilkins
My life is on hold for my son, and that’s really okay. I am happy because he is.