My son had initiated an interesting conversation. It started at night before bedtime. I was washing his sweet face with a face wipe. His beautiful mocha eyes looked up at me with a smirk. Then, our conversation went a little something like this:
Tyler: “I’m sorry to tell you this..buuut I wish you had a boyfriend”
Me: “What? A boyfriend?” I chuckled
Tyler: “Yeah, to have a new dad…no, I don’t mean that, I just want you to have a new boyfriend”
Me: “Why do you want me to have a new boyfriend?”
Tyler: “I don’t know”
Me: “You don’t know?”
Tyler: “Well I want you back together”
Me: “Me and your daddy?”
Tyler: “Yeah, but I know you wont”
Me: “So, instead I should have a boyfriend?”
Tyler: “Yeah” he smiles
Me: “Okay, let’s have this conversation in the bed, go go!”
We ran to the bedroom and leaped into bed
Me: “So, talk to me! What is this about?”
Tyler: “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”
Me: “It’s not easy to find, not only do they have to like me, but they have to like you, as you are a part of me. They have to treat us good. I’ve tried to have a boyfriend, but none of them are what we need yet.
Tyler: “Well, maybe try one more time”
Me: “What do you think that’ll change if I had a boyfriend?
Tyler: “Well, maybe he’ll learn to play Minecraft, and he’ll become granddad’s friend”
Me: “Should he be a Ravens fan, too?
We both laugh
Me: “Cool…but they’re still hard to find”
Tyler: “Try one more time!”
Me: “I could but I don’t have time and there’s too much for me to do now, like fix the house and get some things straight first. You’re the most important!”
Tyler: “I’m first, but what is second?”
Me: “Well, I guess home….go to sleep, bud”
It was silent, but only for a few minutes…
Tyler: “I wish you had a baby, too”
Me: “Oh my goodness, and a baby?”
Tyler: “Yeah, because I want to have a brother!”
Me: “What if it was a sister?”
Tyler: “………..Well I want a sister, too. As long as I can teach ’em minecraft, go to granddad’s with…and eat together” He laughed
Me: “Well I’m not sure about that Ty. I’m not sure if I can get you a baby. Probably won’t”
Tyler: “Well, at least I have you and you have me. And I love you and you love me.”
Of course, then I gave him a kiss on the cheek. He turned over and went to sleep.
This is definitely a sign of “I need to see what family is really supposed to look like. I know there is this thing called family, but I don’t know what it is”. I guess the one thing I thought I could relate to with my son was that feeling of having my parents not together, but what I failed to fully understand was that I couldn’t relate to not knowing what an united family looked like and what it prospers. My family was together until I was 13 years old, we had good times and bad times. My son only knows his parents as split, since it happened when he was 18 months old. Now that he is older, he can express these feelings and put them in a way that I can piece the puzzle together into defining his thoughts.
I would like to help him see what family is truly like. I want him to know the accurate example of what a father truly does in a home. How a father treats their mother with the utmost respect and how he genuinely teaches and consoles their children. He is losing this example from his own father and unfortunately myself as well. What he sees now is a father who doesn’t take responsibility for things & doesn’t show love or respect. What he sees now is a mother that puts up with disrespect, and fights alone to keep happiness afloat. He needs to know what true love feels like in a home, what hardships really look like when family helps to get through it together, who is really there for him when a family is united and what molds him to create his own perfect family.
His own perfect family? Crazy to be a thought at age 8, but as in my most recent blog, future father, my son had expressed about how his actions currently may effect his future children. This conversation may be another added piece to that last conversation that he is trying to discover the qualities of an ideal family. How can he prepare himself in the future to build his family properly if he has never had the proper guide to show him?
I’d love to fulfill my son’s wishes, but truthfully, I also need that example. I’m also missing it in my own life. When, I was little, I wanted to become a teacher, but most of all, I wanted to become a mother. I just knew that I was going to have a son, and that I was going to construct the perfect family. This desire was acquired due to my parent’s problems, that of course eventually lead to their nasty divorce. He must have that natural sense of emotion to feel tension and wonder like I do. Even when my parents were together and faked their smiles, I knew our family wasn’t truly happy and that it didn’t quite illustrate what a family was supposed to be like. I never wanted to keep the broken home cycle going in the family, especially not for my son. I definitely would like to help him figure it out, how to break the cycle and have the key ingredients for the perfect family.
My son is only 8 years old, so I know his learnings are best taught visually and emotionally, which is why he wants to see a family now. What he doesn’t understand is the difficulties of reaching that. The consequences it could endure, the trials to learn someone’s true identity after the impressions fade and fitting the personalities, patience & emotions together. I have little control of the outcome entrusting another person into both of our lives. What I do have control over is what we currently have. All I can do is raise my son to become a great man and the rest shall fall in place. When he is much older, I can tell him the things that I’ve learned over the years, my mistakes and what I think will make it work. Maybe I will try one more time, or maybe he’ll just do better than me in keeping a family together.