I often dislike Father’s day, but not for the reason you may think. I love my father with all my heart. I also respect my son’s father in spite of our differences and I give credit to what he has done for our son. I dislike it simply due to the fact that I’m a single mom.
Every year on father’s day, I would receive text messages and tags on Facebook saying “Happy Father’s Day for being both, mother and father”. I respect the acknowledgment of my hard work in the majority of solely parenting, however this is clearly not my day. Acknowledge it on Mother’s Day or any other day, but Father’s day I want to be off limits.
The problem is, Fathers are being punished even on their own day. They can’t even have one day of recognition for their hard work as a parent without being compared to as a failure or ridiculed by others’ bitter opinions.
These are the things I see on Facebook on Father’s Day:
Truth is, I understand that there is an epidemic of families with absent fathers. The rates are rising each year.
What you don’t see are the fathers who are being mistaken as “deadbeat” dads or “absent” fathers, when the mothers are the actual problem. Some women use their children as pawns to fuel their bitter resentments of their former relationship by consistently finding ways to hurt the father. Sad thing is, it works. The court system favors the mothers so greatly that the fathers have no rights at all – women know this. They utilize this tool to get an over paid amount of child support or for the father to receive little to none in visitations. How is it that the father must prove all of his income, expenses and must do regular updated reports to show the courts no changes, but mothers only have to prove the physical address of the child, and then gets to just fill out a form without needing proof of expenses. They don’t even need to show how the actual child support is being used or to prove that it is actually going to the child.
I’ve met many of men that are being “punished” by their children’s mothers. They pay consistently their overpaid due of child support, yet the mother demands for more money. They supply their children clothes, food and all of their needs in addition to child support, but often are being bashed by the mothers stating that they are supposedly “deadbeats”. These mothers over use the “single mom” status, when they could receive help or truth is they are actually co-parenting. Some mothers exaggerate their struggles and seem as if they are completely alone. When reality is, often times, the mothers are driving expensive cars, going to luxury trips, partying excessively, going to salons regularly and getting the latest fashions, while they demand the fathers to buy their children clothes or deny visitations. These men are actually great fathers, they truly love their children. I’ve seen these fathers wept over their children. I’ve seen these fathers fight for even a phone call to hear their children’s voice. I’ve seen these fathers go through court date after court date trying to fight for their children and for a glimpse of fairness and constantly come out empty handed.
I understand that there are some fathers that are true to the name”deadbeat”. The ones whom leave without a sign, truly don’t do an ounce for their child, or would cause physical, emotional and mental harm to their children. I know there are truly millions of families that are struggling due to having absent fathers and living off of one income. Sure, I know some men who do post on Facebook about how they’re such great fathers, when it’s far from the truth, but there are some mothers that do the same.
The father of my son, I at times wish he could do more, but I give credit where credit is due and I at times give him complements for what he does do right. Depending on what’s going on in his life, either I’m a single mom or we are co-parenting, but regardless, I don’t punish him, I don’t demand for more money, & I don’t deny him visitations EVER. In fact, I never cared for child support. I only started receiving child support when my son was four years old, and that happened only when I applied for child care services. Point is, he loves my son and I don’t punish him for it. My son needs his father and that’s what is important. I do whatever is in the best interest of my son, regardless what hardships may lie on me or even if I may pull more of the parental weight – it’s not about me.
The mothers who do these types of punishments are “deadbeat” moms in my eyes. These are the ones that are causing the true damage to their children. Although, you never see anything say, “Happy Mother’s Day to the fathers who play mother and father”, or “Happy Mother’s Day to the true mothers who actually care for their children and don’t keep their children away from their fathers”. Mothers receive the utmost respect on “their” day, but Fathers are thrown in a whirl of backhanded comments and negative posts along with the positives. I’m glad there are no negative memes or Ecards floating around on Mother’s Day, but Father’s day should be just as equal. Let’s not be blind that there are women out there that have abandoned their children, left their children for the father to raise or gave them up for adoption. My mom left me and my two older brothers for my father to raise, when I was 14 years old – it does happen. There is a statistic on absent fathers, but there are no statistics on absent or incapable mothers. I can only hope that one day the light will be shown on this true, yet hidden subject.
So, to ALL fathers, HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to you!
In addition, PLEASE SUPPORT a friend of mine’s son. The mother of his child ran off with their newborn to a completely different state without warning and the court system won’t take action, because of the laws behind unmarried families. By law, she can’t be arrested for kidnapping and she is making it difficult for him to take her for a custody hearing as she ran off to Alabama. He is a good father and complete example of what my blog stands for.
PLEASE SUPPORT ESPEN’S LAW: